A Man entered a pet shop, wanting to buy a monkey.
The shop owner pointed out three identical monkeys and said,
"The monkey to the left costs 500 dollars."
"Why does that monkey cost so much?" the man wondered.
The owner replied,
"Well, it knows how to use a computer."
The man asked about the next monkey on the perch.
"That one costs 1,000 dollars because it can do everything
the other monkey can do, plus it knows how to use the LINUX
operating system."
Naturally, the startled customer asked about the
third monkey. "That one costs 2,000 "
"And what does that one do?" the man asked.
The owner replied, "To be honest, I've
never seen him doing anything, but
the other two call him boss!"
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Marriage Life Before and After
Before marriage.
Darling here.. darling there...
After marriage.
Baling here... baling there..
Before marriage.
I die for you. . .
After marriage.
'You die, up to you. '
Lagi lama married.
You die I help you!
Before marriage.
You go anywhere. . I follow you.
After marriage. .
You go anywhere. . up to you .
Lagi lama married.
You go anywhere better get lost!!
Before wedding
you are my heart, you are my love'
After wedding
'you get on my nerves. '
Before wedding
'you are sweet and kind just like Cinderella'
After wedding
'you are worse than godzila'
Before wedding
Roses are red, violets are blue. Like it or not, I'm stuck with you
After wedding
Roses are dead, I am blue. You get on my head, I will sue you
Before wedding
Every makan he brings you to Shangri-La
After wedding
You want to go, he says you wait-la
Before wedding
She looks like Anita Sarawak
After wedding
Don't know whether katak or biawak
Darling here.. darling there...
After marriage.
Baling here... baling there..
Before marriage.
I die for you. . .
After marriage.
'You die, up to you. '
Lagi lama married.
You die I help you!
Before marriage.
You go anywhere. . I follow you.
After marriage. .
You go anywhere. . up to you .
Lagi lama married.
You go anywhere better get lost!!
Before wedding
you are my heart, you are my love'
After wedding
'you get on my nerves. '
Before wedding
'you are sweet and kind just like Cinderella'
After wedding
'you are worse than godzila'
Before wedding
Roses are red, violets are blue. Like it or not, I'm stuck with you
After wedding
Roses are dead, I am blue. You get on my head, I will sue you
Before wedding
Every makan he brings you to Shangri-La
After wedding
You want to go, he says you wait-la
Before wedding
She looks like Anita Sarawak
After wedding
Don't know whether katak or biawak
Monday, October 20, 2008
Damn sarcastic joke!!!
An Indian man died and went to heaven. When he arrived at the heaven Gate Siva the God said, 'Come on in. I'll show you around. You'll like it here.'
Walking through the gates, the man noticed clocks everywhere. There
were grandfather clocks, wall clocks, watches, and clocks in every corner..
It appeared that heaven was nothing more than a giant clock warehouse.
Surprised at how heaven looked, the man asked, 'God Siva, what's the deal? Why are all these clocks here in heaven?¨ God Siva replied, 'The clocks keep track of things on earth. There is one clock for each person.
Every time the person on earth tells a lie, his clock moves one minute.'
'For instance, this clock is for VK Lingam, the lawyer. If you
watch it closely, it will move.
'Click' The minute hand on VK Lingam's clock moved one minute.
'Click' It moved another minute. ' VK Lingam must be with some judges right now.' said God Siva. ' The minute hand on his clock moves all day.'
'Why the minute hand suddenly jumps three times?' God Siva smiles
and said ' He must have just said 'correct, correct, correct !'. I
see it jumps like that quite often.
The man and God Siva continued walking. Soon, they came to a strange
looking clock with some springs sticking out. Siva said ' Oh ! That
is Paul Augustine 's clock. During the Anwar's trial, the clock
spinned so fast and the springs came out each time he said
'irrelevant and irrelevant'. Now it is moving quite smoothly'.
The man and God Siva continued their walk .. They came to a clock
with cobwebs on the minute hand. 'Whose clock is this?' asked the man.
That clock belongs to the Lawyer Karpal Singh. He is one of the finest, God-fearing, people on earth. I bet his clock hasn't moved in a year or two.'
They continued walking and touring heaven. The man enjoyed watching the clocks of all his friends. When the tour was finished, the man said, 'I've seen everyone's clock but Mr.Samy Vellu's. Where is his clock?
God Siva smiled, 'Just look up. We use his clock as a ceiling fan.
That's why it is so cooling here. '
Walking through the gates, the man noticed clocks everywhere. There
were grandfather clocks, wall clocks, watches, and clocks in every corner..
It appeared that heaven was nothing more than a giant clock warehouse.
Surprised at how heaven looked, the man asked, 'God Siva, what's the deal? Why are all these clocks here in heaven?¨ God Siva replied, 'The clocks keep track of things on earth. There is one clock for each person.
Every time the person on earth tells a lie, his clock moves one minute.'
'For instance, this clock is for VK Lingam, the lawyer. If you
watch it closely, it will move.
'Click' The minute hand on VK Lingam's clock moved one minute.
'Click' It moved another minute. ' VK Lingam must be with some judges right now.' said God Siva. ' The minute hand on his clock moves all day.'
'Why the minute hand suddenly jumps three times?' God Siva smiles
and said ' He must have just said 'correct, correct, correct !'. I
see it jumps like that quite often.
The man and God Siva continued walking. Soon, they came to a strange
looking clock with some springs sticking out. Siva said ' Oh ! That
is Paul Augustine 's clock. During the Anwar's trial, the clock
spinned so fast and the springs came out each time he said
'irrelevant and irrelevant'. Now it is moving quite smoothly'.
The man and God Siva continued their walk .. They came to a clock
with cobwebs on the minute hand. 'Whose clock is this?' asked the man.
That clock belongs to the Lawyer Karpal Singh. He is one of the finest, God-fearing, people on earth. I bet his clock hasn't moved in a year or two.'
They continued walking and touring heaven. The man enjoyed watching the clocks of all his friends. When the tour was finished, the man said, 'I've seen everyone's clock but Mr.Samy Vellu's. Where is his clock?
God Siva smiled, 'Just look up. We use his clock as a ceiling fan.
That's why it is so cooling here. '
The Best way to Escape from a Problem is to Solve it
Sardar to his servant: Go and water the plants.
Servant: It's already raining.
Sardar: So what take an umbrella and go.
Sardar found the answer to the most difficult question ever -
What will come first, Chicken or egg?
O Yaar, what ever U order first, will come first.
A teacher told all students in a class to write an essay on a cricket match. All were busy writing except one Sardarji.
He wrote "DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH!"
Postman: - I Have To Come 5 Miles to Deliver U This Packet
Sardar: - why did U come so far. Instead U could Have posted it....
A Sardar & his wife filed an application for Divorce.
Judge asked: How'll U divide your kids, U"VE 3 children?
Sardar replied: Ok! We'll apply NEXT YEAR
Sardar's wish: when I die, I wana die like my Grandpa who died peacefully in his sleep not Screaming like all d passengers in d car he was Driving..
A Teacher lecturing on population:
"In Indi a after every 10 secs a women gives birth to a kid. "
A Sardar stands up- "We must find & stop her!. "
A man: "Sardarji, tell me, why Manmohan Singh goes for a walk in the evening not in the morning?"
Sardarji: ''Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM''.
Sardar visits Chinese friend dying in hospital.
The Chinese friend just says "CHIN YU YAN" and dies.
Sardarji goes to China to find the meaning of his friend's last Words.
And finds It means "U R STANDNG ON the OXYGEN TUBE!"
Sardarji was standing in front of the mirror with his eyes closed.
His wife asked what you are doing.
He said-I am seeing how I look while sleeping.
Why did Sardar cut the sides of the capsule before taking it?
Guess what...
To avoid side effects!!!
Man: Sardarji where were U born?
Sardarji: Punjab .
Man: Which part?
Sardar: Oye part part kya kar raha hai, whole body Is born in Punjab Yaar".
Lawyer to Sardar: "Gita pe haath rakhkar kaho ke...... "
Sardar :"Yeh kya, sita pe haath lagaya to court mein Bulaya. Ab fir gita pe haath!!"
A Sardar saw a beautiful girl... He went and kissed her....
Girl said- "What R U doing...?"
Sardar replied- " B.COM from Khalsa college, Chandigar"
Sardar: For the past one week a girl is disturbing Me.
I don't know how she got my no, she interrupts whenever I call someone and says "please recharge your card"
A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a Sardarni painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket. Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall.
She showed him the instructions on the tin, "For Best Results put on Two Coats"
A sardar was drawing money from ATM,
The sardar behind him in the line said, "Ha! Ha! Haaa! I've seen ur password. Its 4 asterisks (****). "
The first sardar replies, "Ha! Ha! Haaa! U R wrong, Its 1258"
Q:) How do U recognize a sardar in school or College???
A:) They are the ones who erase their notebooks when the teacher erases the blackboard.. . BOLO tarara!!
Q:) Why did the sardarji sleep with a scale?
A:) Because he wanted to measure how long he has Slept....... .
Santa Singh MBBS
After finishing his MBBS, Dr. Santa Singh starts his Own practice.
He checked his first patient's Eyes, then the tongue, and finally the Ears using a torch.
Finally he said Battery is Ok !!!
Servant: It's already raining.
Sardar: So what take an umbrella and go.
Sardar found the answer to the most difficult question ever -
What will come first, Chicken or egg?
O Yaar, what ever U order first, will come first.
A teacher told all students in a class to write an essay on a cricket match. All were busy writing except one Sardarji.
He wrote "DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH!"
Postman: - I Have To Come 5 Miles to Deliver U This Packet
Sardar: - why did U come so far. Instead U could Have posted it....
A Sardar & his wife filed an application for Divorce.
Judge asked: How'll U divide your kids, U"VE 3 children?
Sardar replied: Ok! We'll apply NEXT YEAR
Sardar's wish: when I die, I wana die like my Grandpa who died peacefully in his sleep not Screaming like all d passengers in d car he was Driving..
A Teacher lecturing on population:
"In Indi a after every 10 secs a women gives birth to a kid. "
A Sardar stands up- "We must find & stop her!. "
A man: "Sardarji, tell me, why Manmohan Singh goes for a walk in the evening not in the morning?"
Sardarji: ''Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM''.
Sardar visits Chinese friend dying in hospital.
The Chinese friend just says "CHIN YU YAN" and dies.
Sardarji goes to China to find the meaning of his friend's last Words.
And finds It means "U R STANDNG ON the OXYGEN TUBE!"
Sardarji was standing in front of the mirror with his eyes closed.
His wife asked what you are doing.
He said-I am seeing how I look while sleeping.
Why did Sardar cut the sides of the capsule before taking it?
Guess what...
To avoid side effects!!!
Man: Sardarji where were U born?
Sardarji: Punjab .
Man: Which part?
Sardar: Oye part part kya kar raha hai, whole body Is born in Punjab Yaar".
Lawyer to Sardar: "Gita pe haath rakhkar kaho ke...... "
Sardar :"Yeh kya, sita pe haath lagaya to court mein Bulaya. Ab fir gita pe haath!!"
A Sardar saw a beautiful girl... He went and kissed her....
Girl said- "What R U doing...?"
Sardar replied- " B.COM from Khalsa college, Chandigar"
Sardar: For the past one week a girl is disturbing Me.
I don't know how she got my no, she interrupts whenever I call someone and says "please recharge your card"
A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a Sardarni painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket. Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall.
She showed him the instructions on the tin, "For Best Results put on Two Coats"
A sardar was drawing money from ATM,
The sardar behind him in the line said, "Ha! Ha! Haaa! I've seen ur password. Its 4 asterisks (****). "
The first sardar replies, "Ha! Ha! Haaa! U R wrong, Its 1258"
Q:) How do U recognize a sardar in school or College???
A:) They are the ones who erase their notebooks when the teacher erases the blackboard.. . BOLO tarara!!
Q:) Why did the sardarji sleep with a scale?
A:) Because he wanted to measure how long he has Slept....... .
Santa Singh MBBS
After finishing his MBBS, Dr. Santa Singh starts his Own practice.
He checked his first patient's Eyes, then the tongue, and finally the Ears using a torch.
Finally he said Battery is Ok !!!
Muthu Oh Muthu........
MUTHU & THE INTERVIEWER
Interviewer : What is your birth date?
Muthu : 13th October
Interviewer : Which year?
Muthu : ... EVERY YEAR
MUTHU & HIS MANAGER
Manager asked to Muthu at an interview....
Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?
Muthu replied: P-O-S-T-B-O- X
MUTHU & LONDON TRIP
After returning back from a foreign trip, Muthu asked his wife, Do I
look like a foreigner?
Wife : No! Why?
Muthu : In London , a lady asked me, 'Are you a foreigner?'.. that's why ...
Wife : SHOCKED!
MUTHU & TOURIST
One tourist from U.S.A. asked to Muthu whether any great man born in
this village or not .. and Muthu said .. 'No sir, only babies were
born here .. '
MUTHU & DRIVER
When Muthu was travelling with his wife in a motorised tricycle, the
driver adjusted mirror. Muthu shouted, 'You are trying to see my wife
?
Sit back. I will drive.
MUTHU GOES TO HOTEL
Muthu went in a hotel. To wash hands he went to the washbasin. There
he started washing the basin. Seeing this, the manager asked what was
he doing. Muthu pointed towards the board ' WASH BASIN '
MUTHU & INTERVIEWER - FINAL PART
Interviewer : Just imagine your in 20th floor in a building, it caught
fire and how will you escape ?
Muthu : It's simple.. I will just stop my imagination .. :)
Oh .. i forgot . the funniest part ..
On a political rally Muthu was arrested. Why ????????????
Because, a woman journalist walking with a badge wrote 'PRESS' on her
right chest ... and he did it !
Interviewer : What is your birth date?
Muthu : 13th October
Interviewer : Which year?
Muthu : ... EVERY YEAR
MUTHU & HIS MANAGER
Manager asked to Muthu at an interview....
Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?
Muthu replied: P-O-S-T-B-O- X
MUTHU & LONDON TRIP
After returning back from a foreign trip, Muthu asked his wife, Do I
look like a foreigner?
Wife : No! Why?
Muthu : In London , a lady asked me, 'Are you a foreigner?'.. that's why ...
Wife : SHOCKED!
MUTHU & TOURIST
One tourist from U.S.A. asked to Muthu whether any great man born in
this village or not .. and Muthu said .. 'No sir, only babies were
born here .. '
MUTHU & DRIVER
When Muthu was travelling with his wife in a motorised tricycle, the
driver adjusted mirror. Muthu shouted, 'You are trying to see my wife
?
Sit back. I will drive.
MUTHU GOES TO HOTEL
Muthu went in a hotel. To wash hands he went to the washbasin. There
he started washing the basin. Seeing this, the manager asked what was
he doing. Muthu pointed towards the board ' WASH BASIN '
MUTHU & INTERVIEWER - FINAL PART
Interviewer : Just imagine your in 20th floor in a building, it caught
fire and how will you escape ?
Muthu : It's simple.. I will just stop my imagination .. :)
Oh .. i forgot . the funniest part ..
On a political rally Muthu was arrested. Why ????????????
Because, a woman journalist walking with a badge wrote 'PRESS' on her
right chest ... and he did it !
toilet poems
This is funny.....
Excellent poems by not so famous poets... found on
toilet doors and walls..........
A budding poet trying his best...
Here I lie in stinky vapor,
Because some bastard stole the toilet paper,
Shall I lie, or shall I linger,
Or shall I be forced to use my finger.
Another to be poet, he wrote this below that...
Here I sit
Broken hearted
Tried to shit
But only farted
Someone who had a different experience wrote,
You're lucky
You had your chance
I tried to fart,
And shit my pants!
Perhaps it's true that people find inspiration in
toilets.
I came here
To shit and stink,
But all I do
Is sit and think.
There are also people who come in for a different
purpose...
Some come here to sit and think,
Some come here to shit and stink,
But I come here to scratch my balls,
And read the bullshit on the walls...
And finally, this should teach some a lesson...
Sign seen at a family restaurant toilet wall:
The hands that clean these toilets also make your
food...please aim properly.
Excellent poems by not so famous poets... found on
toilet doors and walls..........
A budding poet trying his best...
Here I lie in stinky vapor,
Because some bastard stole the toilet paper,
Shall I lie, or shall I linger,
Or shall I be forced to use my finger.
Another to be poet, he wrote this below that...
Here I sit
Broken hearted
Tried to shit
But only farted
Someone who had a different experience wrote,
You're lucky
You had your chance
I tried to fart,
And shit my pants!
Perhaps it's true that people find inspiration in
toilets.
I came here
To shit and stink,
But all I do
Is sit and think.
There are also people who come in for a different
purpose...
Some come here to sit and think,
Some come here to shit and stink,
But I come here to scratch my balls,
And read the bullshit on the walls...
And finally, this should teach some a lesson...
Sign seen at a family restaurant toilet wall:
The hands that clean these toilets also make your
food...please aim properly.
Try These Out ? Can you Find an Answer? ?
1. If all the nations in the world are in debt (am not joking, even US has got debts), where did all the money go? (weird)
2.When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it? (to be given a thought)
3. What is the speed of darkness? (absurd)
4. If the ?black box? flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn?t the whole airplane made out of that stuff? (very good thinking)
5. Who copyrighted the copyright symbol? (who knows)
6.Can you cry under water? (let me try)
7. Why do people say, ?you?ve been working like a dog? when dogs just sit around all day? (I think they meant something else)
8.Why are the numbers on a calculator and a phone reversed? (God knows)
9. Do fish ever get thirsty? (let me ask and tell)
10.Can you get cornered in a round room? (by ones eyes)
12.Why do birds not fall out of trees when they sleep? (tonight i will stay and watch)
13. What came first, the fruit or the color orange? (seed)
14. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from? (No comments)
15.What should one call a male ladybird? (No comments)
16. If a person suffered from amnesia and then was cured would they remember that they forgot? (can somebody help )
17.Can you blow a balloon up under water? (yes u can)
18. Why is it called a ?building? when it is already built? (strange isnt it)
19. If you were traveling at the speed of sound and you turned on your radio would you be ! able to hear it? (got to think scientifically)
20. If you?re traveling at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on, what happens? (i dont have a change to try)
21.Why is it called a TV set when theres only one? (very nice)
22. If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth? (this is nice)
23. Why do most cars have speedometers that go up to at least 130 when you legally can?t go that fast on any road? (I don?t know)
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